Discipline Tips (Communication Ideas) For Parents

Discipline Tips (Communication Ideas) For Parents
By Tommy Franks

Effective discipline has more to do with COMMUNICATION than control. Sometimes, parents feel that to control their children is to be a good parent. However, studies indicate that less coercive discipline can be related to better outcomes for children.

If coercive parenting is replaced with a firm and kind style of communication, the child tends to do better. This also builds the child’s self-esteem and self-worth.True parental control is developed over time and becomes more of an influential control than a physical control (Being a good EXAMPLE is crucial!). This is true parental power …to influence the child to behave better…while building self-esteem…and teaching long range life skills.

Communication Ideas (Discipline Tips) with great results:

1. Read to your child: We are the same person today that we were 10 years ago with the exception of two things…the books we have read and the people that we have met. Think about it. One of the most important things that you can do for your child is to read to her.

2. Write to your child: Begin at a very young age. Incorporate written communication intoyour parenting style. This will be an effective form of communication for parents and kids that seem to have trouble communicating verbally…and for parents that want to be more effective (with better influence) in the child’s thoughts and actions. This can begin as young as three or four. You may want to use pictures that communicate the meaning of what you are saying…Perhaps a happy face to say “good for you!” When the child is school age, the notes can be placed in lunch boxes, or handed to kids on their way to school. The notes should be positive, acknowledging the child with heartfelt statements or requests. Parents who write notes to their children notice that the children will begin to write notes to them. This is an excellent method of communication. Isn’t it nice to receive a compliment or request in writing so you have time to think about it during the day? You may even want to encourage your child to keep a diary or journal. The important thing is to get them to write, write, write!

3. Listen to your child: Give your child’s ideas and opinions a great deal of credence. When your child understands that you are giving weight and consideration to his concern, her respect for you will soar.

4. Lead the child to the answer: Often, the parent knows the best answer to any given situation. Why? Because you are older and wiser! You have the age and experience. Therefore, the most effective and beneficial manner to respond and answer your child’s question is…through allowing your child to come up with the answer for himself. You make this happen by asking leading questions. Help the child work through the pros and cons of an issue, while maintaining a neutral stance. While it may seem backwards, the parent will become more influential to and more respected by the child when communication is handled in this way. Ask the child, “What do you think?” The child will begin to trust you more…have faith in his own ability to work out problems…and will begin to ask your opinion and advice. As long as the parent constantly tells the child what to do about everything, the child sees the parent as an adversary. There are times when the parent needs to “tell it like it is”, but this approach allows some great opportunities to communicate.

5. Maintain integrity: What does integrity mean to you? Each person has a different sense of personal integrity. Each person has a different set of values. What are your values and standards of conduct? Do you place value in honesty, kindness, contribution? You will certainly want to behave in such a way that expresses those standards. Parents are notorious for bending and breaking the truth with children! Our intentions are innocent enough, yet the results are confusion and lack of trust with our children. If you believe in truthfulness, do not lie to your kids or ask them to lie for you or make excuses for lying. We begin this “fuzziness” with the truth with our children at a very young age. Before they are able to tell the time, we tell them “Just a minute” or “later” and this allows us the freedom to enjoy refraining from commitment. However, this undermines the children’s respect for us as parents over time. Kids will begin to beg, plead and pester. It is better to be honest and clear “up front”. Tell them exactly when you will respond. Tell them exactly how much time…and then follow through with it…even if your child does not yet tell time. She will soon!

6. Maintain physical touch, closeness, and connection: In this age of molestation and child sexual abuse, many parents are afraid to be physically close to their children. Sometimes this discomfort can also be caused by abuse when the parent was a child. However, children and all of us need physical closeness! Hugging, cuddling, playful fighting, rocking, combing their hair, and bear hugs are just a few ways to be physical with kids.

When my kids were young, I road them on my back and pretended to be a pony. I wrestled with them in the floor. They loved it. There are many family ways to physically bond together!

Sometimes, when you speak to your child, you may want to place a gentle hand on his shoulder. Or touch his hand. Maintaining this physical connection takes work, especially when children become teens and may go through stages of resisting touch. Always be respectful. When the kids are small, you might consider back rubs. Touch is very important to a child.

There are so many ideas for effectively communicating with children that can build mutual respect and self-esteem. As with most effective parenting tools, the results come through time and repetition. The above ideas should also take the child’s age and ability into consideration. It might not be too cool to get into some of the above conversations with a tired, cranky two-year-old.

The times of parental frustration should be used as times to re-group, re-think, and re-evaluate. Attempting any form of thoughtful discipline takes time. Relax and think about it, especially if you are stressed out. Give yourself and your child a cooling off period. Good answers will come to you.

Parents have been on this earth for 6000 years. Parents and children have been here for a long time…and will be here through eternity.

Discipline does not need to be punitive, coercive, manipulative, dominating, intimidating, accusatory, or negative. Children learn better and quicker in a positive, upbeat, firm, and kind environment. The parents set the tone for the family environment. Parents have great influence over their children! Dream big!

Children are capable of so much more than we give them the chance to express. I truly believe that we as parents…have much more influence in our families than we realize. We need to take this to heart! We need to strive to do our best! We must NEVER give up on our children!