HABITS OF A LOVING COUPLE

HABITS OF A LOVING COUPLE
By Tommy

1: Say "I Love You" at least once a day: When was the last time you told your partner, "I love you!"? And, how do you normally say it? Do you mutter it as you run out the door on the way to work or do you stop everything you're doing and look your partner in the eyes to say the words? Or, is it somewhere in-between? Don't get in a rut and take these 3 words for granted. Surprise your partner the next time and vary the time and place that you sat it.

Example: Say it while delivering breakfast in bed.
Say it when you hand her a towel in the morning, one that you had warmed up in the dryer. Call in the middle of the day just to remind her how much you care.
Say it during a commercial on TV. When you get home, place both of your hands on either side of your partner's face, cupping it, and look her in the eyes and say it.
Say it in a whisper after turning out the lights.

If it is hard for you to vocalize the words, try these ideas: Send flowers "just because". Write it in a note and stick it in her lunch or wallet. Send it in an e-mail that she can pick up first thing in the morning. Go a step further and send a postcard daily. Spell it out using Magnetic Poetry letters on your fridge door! The possibilities are endless!

Remember...the more you put into your relationship, the happier both you and your partner will be!

2: Kiss daily. Throw in a hug while you're at it! A kiss is a kiss is a kiss, right? Wrong! People have written books on just kissing. The next time you kiss your partner, try one of these ideas:

1. Kiss your partner good-bye as if this were the last time you will see her. One day, it will be.
2. Kiss her hello as if you had been away on a long trip.
3. Kiss your partner for a full minute.
4. Don’t even say hello when you arrive home, go straight for the kiss!
5. Suck on an ice cube before your partner arrives home...especially on a warm day.
6. Eat a different flavored candy on the way home, so your partner never knows what flavor you will taste like!
7. Go back for a second kiss...
8. Spend a whole weekend doing nothing sensual except for kissing. (HELLO!)
9. To you wives: Use lipstick. Kiss your bathroom mirror for your partner to find in the morning.
10. Sitting at a red light can be fun... lean over and kiss your partner.
11. Look, no hands! Lean over and kiss without touching your partner anywhere else. Let your lips do the communicating.
12. When watching a comedy or Jay Leno in bed at night, and kiss during all the commercials.
13. To you wives: Buy your husband a pair of boxers or underwear printed with kisses all over to wear during the day.
14. To you husbands: When was the last time you kissed your partner's hand?
15. Slip a few chocolate kisses into your partner's lunch bag or briefcase.
16. Watch your favorite sports event and any time your team scores, kiss!
17. Sit in a photo booth, and take a picture kissing!
18. Write a poem about kissing her and slip it into a bouquet of flowers!

3: "Date" your partner for the rest of your life. If you're in a long-term relationship, when was the last time you "dated" your partner? Nope, running out for a quick burger and fries doesn't count. When was the last time you both dressed up and actually went out on a date together? Hmmm...Can’t remember? Maybe it's time you took a refresher course.

First, be sure to treat your partner even better than when you were dating... Remember that you are sweethearts, soul mates, lovers, best friends.
- open her door
- straighten his tie
- hold out her chair
- hold hands when you're walking together

Go beyond good, loving manners, and don't stop dating your partner. An older woman once said, “We keep our romance alive in our marriage. My husband and I never fail to go out on a date every Friday night. We prioritized our relationship and nothing except an emergency can change our regular Friday night date. After several years of marriage, our family and friends are used to the idea that Friday is our night to reconnect each week. Neither of us takes the other for granted…which is a mistake many couples make when they get too comfortable around each other.”

What about "married with children"? Do you feel guilty for leaving your kids with a sitter on a weekend after working all week? Do you sometimes feel that it's too much trouble to get a sitter…plan a date? Don't! One of the best things you can give your children is a good example of a loving relationship. Sometimes children may feel left out, but parents should keep their identity as a couple alive. Don't forget that one day the kids leave the nest and you don't want to be left as strangers. What you put into your relationship is what you will get out of it!

4: Don't sweat the small stuff: So you've been dating for awhile, and now the little things start to bug you. Unless you're just looking for an excuse to break up, you need to resolve these pet peeves before they become big issues. You can let her bad habits bother you to distraction or you can compromise and find a way around them. It's a matter of changing your mindset. Look for a solution, don't just gripe about it. To illustrate what I mean, here are some classic pet peeves and ways to compromise:

Toothpaste tube: Does she leave the cap off the toothpaste? Does he squeeze it
in the middle instead of from the bottom? If it bugs you, buy separate tubes. It's that simple!

Leaving clothes laying around: Do you nag your partner and then resent sounding like his mother? You can ignore the clothes or pick them up, remembering just how much he does for you in other ways. Make it easier for your partner by having several clothes hampers in various rooms of your house. Also, don't wash
the clothes that don't make it to the hamper.

Running late: If your partner is habitually late and nothing seems to help, just
plan for it. If you have a girlfriend who is always late to everything, plan for it and either gave her an earlier time or be late yourself. Another option is to leave if
she doesn't show up in time. She will eventually get the message.

Leaving the toilet seat up: This is mostly for guys. If this aggravates your wife, negotiate and find our how you both can agree to resolve it. At least talk about it.

All of these petty things may sound silly and small, but these issues can be annoying to your partner. Make a list of your pet peeves and possible solutions. Trade your lists with your partner so that she can actually see what really bugs you. Compromising is not a bad thing!

5: Concentrate on the positive. Do you contribute positive energy to your relationship or negative? Is your glass half-full or half-empty?
Many partners (spouses) are negative instead of positive. I firmly believe that if you feel bad and depressed, you will expect negative things to happen to you…and they will. But, if you feel blessed and expect good things to happen to you…they will. Your positive mindset will give you better opportunities.
The same is true with your relationship. If you are looking for the bad stuff in your relationship, the bad will happen. If you work on enriching your relationship, you will be happier. Who wants to be around someone who is negative? Build your partner up!

Once upon a time in college, a couple was dating. She would always gripe and nag at her boyfriend. It really became uncomfortable to be around them. He could never do anything right as far as she was concerned. He put up with it and ignored it for a while. However, their relationship did not last. He ended up becoming close friends with another girl. Their friendship grew from mutual respect and friendship to love. Today, they are married with children. The atmosphere made all the difference in the world.

Develop a good self-esteem. Take the time to invest in yourself. You are worth it and your partner will notice the difference!

Never say anything about your partner to others that you wouldn't say in front of her. If you do, you are creating a negative impression about your partner
and relationship. You are making it hard for your family and friends to emotionally support this relationship. If she finds out what you've said, she will feel betrayed.

Never take your partner for granted. You should treat your spouse even better than you do your family and friends. And she should treat you the same way. Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative.

6: Take a breather when you're mad or upset. Let's face it…being a couple means knowing which buttons to push to make our partner happy, ecstatic, crazy,
and even mad. When your heated discussion becomes heated, do not push buttons. Call a time-out. A short break allows you to cool down so you can return to discuss what's bothering you instead of saying something you may regret later.

Don't just walk out and slam the door. Let your partner know that you just need some time to cool down. If it's your partner who needs a break, respect her wish for some time alone. Take time to de-stress.

DON'T GO TO BED ANGRY. This sounds great, but is it always possible to work through a disagreement before bedtime? Some individuals need time to let their emotions cool off. So what should you do if you're still mad at bedtime?

An older couple had a ritual of holding hands each night as they fell asleep. Even if they had not resolved a disagreement by bedtime, they still held hands. This was their way of communicating that…regardless of their present emotions, they loved each other. They have been happily married for over 30 years!

Kiss and hug each other before bed. Do not continue to be angry and sleep in separate beds…even for one night. That will put an emotional wall between you.
Sometimes, the right thing to do is: Simply say, "I'm sorry!" These are the three hardest words to say in the human language. Flowers also work wonders.

7: Don't use your partner's secrets or weaknesses against her...ever! Never tear your partner down to make yourself look good. If your partner cringes when you take center stage at parties or if she is the only one NOT laughing at your stories, then stop and think about what you're saying. It's all about respect and trust. Always keep your sexual activities private between you and your partner. What goes on in your private bedroom should stay there. This area should be totally private.

Never tell your friends everything, especially about your spouse. Sharing everything with your friends may have been acceptable when you were single, but once you are in a committed relationship, you should only share what you would say in front of your partner.

A loving relationship is one of the most intimate and trusting that anyone can have. Protect and cherish it.

8: Think about your partner first. When married, commit to your spouse 100% to make your relationship work. Say "yes" to your partner as often as possible. Do your best to try to meet her needs. Make her wishes and dreams come true! Make her life easier. Keep the car gassed up. Pick up the dry-cleaning once in a while. Or do the laundry once in a while. Wash the dishes once in awhile. The ideas are endless. Be there for your partner. Be her support system. Never forget her birthday. Hug and kiss her every day. Whatever you do, try to keep that loving, giving side of you alive.

9: Respect your partner…verbally, emotionally, and physically.

Never tell jokes that make fun of your partner. Never!

Never discuss your relationship with friends behind your partner's back?

Never discuss your sex life with other people.

Never treat your partner like a child.

Always appreciate your partner's abilities.

Never make light of issues that your spouse considers important.

Never blame your partner for your own silly mistakes.

Never search through your partner's things or email. Respect her privacy.

Never embarrasses your partner.

Never expect your partner to tell you everything about her past. The past is gone forever. Let it be.

Never expect to know what your partner is up to every minute of the day. Trust her!

YOUR PARTNER IS AN INDIVIDUAL. As a couple, neither of you should lose your individual identity. Your partner made a choice to be in this relationship and you must not take her for granted. Never show disrespect to your spouse. If you do, your relationship will not survive. TREAT your PARTNER as you want to be TREATED!

Sometimes, familiarity breeds contempt. It doesn't have to be that way. Ask yourself, "Do I treat my partner as well as I did while we were dating? Do I build her
up or do I tear her down? Do I respect her?"

10: Find a way to regroup together every day. It's amazing how many people will make time everyday for their favorite talk show or soap opera, but won't make time for their spouses. No matter how busy your life is…take time for each other daily.

Set aside at least 20 minutes every day to be together ALONE…even if you need to do this by telephone or email. Daily contact is especially important in long-distance relationships when you don't have physical closeness.

Discover what works well for both of you. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Do you prefer a routine or to be surprised? Take turns planning your time together. Are you always running late? Get organized. Waking up 30 minutes earlier will give you time to enjoy a bagel and coffee together.

Remove distractions. Newspaper, TV, telephone calls, and computers are all important; however, never let these become distractions. Never let other people or things run your life. You may need to skip TV programs at times. Perhaps, you can meet for lunch occasionally.

Think outside the box. Don't get stuck in the traditional Monday thru Friday 9-5 routine…where you live for the weekends. Enjoy a night out during the week. See a movie. Go out to dinner. Mix things up a bit. The point is: Spend time together daily…talking or breathing the same air…staying connected.

Simplify your life. Are you filling your days with too many activities? Simplify your life by providing more time to be with your spouse and family. Make time.

When all else fails…send flowers. Did you know that sending flowers change the entire atmosphere of your home? Try it sometime!